im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
