I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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