Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
