ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
