8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
