i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
