I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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