I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
