We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Last time i carry you out of a forest
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
