apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
