Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
