there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He passed out mid-signature
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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