Moan for me like Helen Keller
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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