I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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