therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
