Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
