I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
