on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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