he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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