this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
