Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
