but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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