i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
