i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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