your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize