if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
