Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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