he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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