I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
