I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
