She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
