What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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