omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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