his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
