I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize