I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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