Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize