My hand turned me down
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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