I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
