Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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