Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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