he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
