ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
