What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize