I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
