I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
