I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
