one word: firstdatebathroomanal
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
