i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
