And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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