Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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