Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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