So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
