It's Friday. Sex?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
