Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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