It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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