I wish I could punch you in the face.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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