I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm eating all of the evidence.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
