i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize