Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
