i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
