Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize