He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
