It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
