I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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