We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
