I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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