And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
