Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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